If someone in the past made you feel good inside, what are they still doing all the way back there?

When I mention facebook to non-facebook friends, they often role their eyes and offer a response that is pretty consistent, "I have no interest in hearing from people from my past." Whether they know it or not, in that one simple line, some unrest about "then" immediately becomes evident. I can't help but consider whether their experiences with people have generally not been good, or maybe there is just one person who they are trying to avoid. Perhaps there is something about today they carry some shame about and, much like the class reunion, would rather not have that exposed to everyone, becoming somewhat vulnerable to people they have not seen in so many years. But how about this one; it was the BEST time of their lives and it is too painful to have the difference between today and then highlighted! Ouch, that one hurts, and I do not blame anyone for recoiling from that painful conclusion. I have something to say about all these scenarios (big surprise) but I will keep my reflections on 2 points; the "bad" past and the "good" past.

My very simple response to this last scenario, the "good" past, is that good is ALWAYS good. The experience is over. It stopped at graduation, or the day you moved away, or whatever event catapulted you to the next part of your life. Unfortunately, it is no match for what follows, a larger living experience, where mistrust, disappointment and less-than-wonderful events introduce cynicism into our lives. Cynicism will search out good memories and re-write them, or burden them with non-truths which are easier to believe with a slightly beaten, heavier heart. I will reiterate; the past itself cannot be made bad because it isn't happening anymore. If we left it with good feelings, but somehow can no longer recall them now, then it was what happened afterwards that edited a perfectly good story.

OK, now for the "bad" past. Just as you can't assume that nice people are exactly the way they were back then, you also cannot assume that "not nice" people are as well. Not to overstate, but the past is a moving image in memory only. It is a photograph, a snapshot, a period of time with clear borders and our connection to it has nothing to do with current experience. The characters are not ghosts, they have had many years of life as you have. In some cases the events back then were being processed by a very young mind, a time where, physiologically and mentally, you are going through a lot and everything feels more severe. A limited perspective also makes the bad experiences feel as impacting as what we consider devastating today. Imagine that a break up feels as severe as our greatest loss today. So even though what someone did to us felt horrible, we are not 18 anymore just because that’s how old we may have been when the memory ended. If that same event happened today, you would likely both laugh, apologize, forgive and move on. Let’s use ALL of our life experiences to understand whether its worth reaching out to someone or not. Be here today and you may find that the past has offered gifts you have yet to open.