Happiness and misery are similar in that they will both wait as long as it takes for their seeker to find them.

Somebody I knew years ago said something to me I have never forgotten. It was this: Water seeks its own level. I actually didn’t understand it at first, but since then life has described it in full detail to me, one human being at a time. We all know someone who is relentlessly optimistic, whose experience here has not been without its share of challenges, but who seems to still maintain an inspiring outlook, smile in tact and goals not disrupted. They do not accept misery as the rule, but as the exception and therefore get back up on their journey toward happiness. Then there’s that other fella, Al B. Miserable. Man, is he an energy sucker. You walk away from him with your head spinning because his tight hold on how horrible things are is impenetrable. You cannot be of any help to Al because, as much as he complains, he doesn’t want an alternative outlook. In some ways, being miserable brings him feelings of safety. I know, seems like a difficult concept to grasp. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel better, be happier? There are lots of reasons people are not open to help, some of them quite legitimate. It’s when they become the obstruction to a better experience here, a better quality of life, when the real problem presents. You may say that this drive is determined by our chemistry, our biology or genes, if you will. You may say it is influenced by our previous experiences. Who knows? I suspect it’s different for everyone. So maybe it’s easy for some and difficult for others, but I don’t see either of these as a sentence to misery. It just might make some of us have to work a little harder. Good grief, who wants difficult? Easy is the modern sentiment, isn’t it? (OK, there goes some of my cynicism.) The thing is, you are the writer of how things end in your story. Difficult or not, you ultimately are the holder of the pen and the paper and you have the last word, not your problems, circumstances, obstacles or other people who rain on your parade. You can decide to stand on the periphery of the giant joy puddle it forms or you can jump right in. Either way, the water is rising....and waiting.

If someone in the past made you feel good inside, what are they still doing all the way back there?

When I mention facebook to non-facebook friends, they often role their eyes and offer a response that is pretty consistent, "I have no interest in hearing from people from my past." Whether they know it or not, in that one simple line, some unrest about "then" immediately becomes evident. I can't help but consider whether their experiences with people have generally not been good, or maybe there is just one person who they are trying to avoid. Perhaps there is something about today they carry some shame about and, much like the class reunion, would rather not have that exposed to everyone, becoming somewhat vulnerable to people they have not seen in so many years. But how about this one; it was the BEST time of their lives and it is too painful to have the difference between today and then highlighted! Ouch, that one hurts, and I do not blame anyone for recoiling from that painful conclusion. I have something to say about all these scenarios (big surprise) but I will keep my reflections on 2 points; the "bad" past and the "good" past.

My very simple response to this last scenario, the "good" past, is that good is ALWAYS good. The experience is over. It stopped at graduation, or the day you moved away, or whatever event catapulted you to the next part of your life. Unfortunately, it is no match for what follows, a larger living experience, where mistrust, disappointment and less-than-wonderful events introduce cynicism into our lives. Cynicism will search out good memories and re-write them, or burden them with non-truths which are easier to believe with a slightly beaten, heavier heart. I will reiterate; the past itself cannot be made bad because it isn't happening anymore. If we left it with good feelings, but somehow can no longer recall them now, then it was what happened afterwards that edited a perfectly good story.

OK, now for the "bad" past. Just as you can't assume that nice people are exactly the way they were back then, you also cannot assume that "not nice" people are as well. Not to overstate, but the past is a moving image in memory only. It is a photograph, a snapshot, a period of time with clear borders and our connection to it has nothing to do with current experience. The characters are not ghosts, they have had many years of life as you have. In some cases the events back then were being processed by a very young mind, a time where, physiologically and mentally, you are going through a lot and everything feels more severe. A limited perspective also makes the bad experiences feel as impacting as what we consider devastating today. Imagine that a break up feels as severe as our greatest loss today. So even though what someone did to us felt horrible, we are not 18 anymore just because that’s how old we may have been when the memory ended. If that same event happened today, you would likely both laugh, apologize, forgive and move on. Let’s use ALL of our life experiences to understand whether its worth reaching out to someone or not. Be here today and you may find that the past has offered gifts you have yet to open.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

I pondered the word "necessary" when I was thinking about this post. It is a word that I have always equated with "should". Since I fully embrace the concepts of subectivity and perspective, someone telling me what is "necessary" feels as though they are imposing their experience onto mine, rather than offering it as an option. I do believe I have found the exception for me however, and that is "kindness". It is the only real cure all, ya know? I mean think about it. It begins with helping you have better communication, hence, better relationships, happier work and family experiences, greater support and productivity, making life goals a bit easier to achieve, leading to self esteem and optimism, which have a direct connection to joy. With joy at the center of all we do, there is no struggle. Unfortunately, the world does not operate this way. Just watch the news any given morning, or watch how people behave on the road. We are all struggling with something. It manifests differently for everyone, however, but the guy's action of giving me the middle finger on the road comes from pain. I can't relate to the gesture, but I sure can relate to pain. That makes us equals. So I offer him kindness and fully believe he has stored that somewhere. So you'll forgive me if I break my own rule today and boldly tell you what is necessary....kindness. It is all of our ticket to a kind of freedom....of the body, mind and soul. I hope your day finds some.

"Before you say 'its not worth it', shouldn't you determine its value to you?"

It is not an uncommon thing to say in the center of frustration (a place where decisions should NEVER be made), "Its not worth it." When I hear people say this it often sounds more like, "I don't really have the energy/stamina/fight to continue experiencing setbacks on the way to obtaining this goal." There are no blanket rules in life, and sometimes we do determine that the investment we have made is larger than the chance of an optimal outcome, but often times we feel beaten by the process and that can trick us into a false idea that we are depleted. I compare this to my workout routine. Often in the middle of a rep, I feel as though I don't have anymore energy for another and so I will give myself a brief pause to allow my body a short repair with which to meet my goal. Better for me to do that than to stop short compromising something that means a lot to me. Sure, on difficult days, I hear the inside voice say, "Its not worth it." Rather than responding to this, I understand this as the frustration that is very much a part of the entire process, honor it, then let it go. You must have decided something was worth it if you embarked on a journey toward it. Remember why you did it if you need a voice to counteract the "its not worth it" message that will whisper mistruths to you at different points along your journey. Another way to approach this is to establish what the first "it" is for you. Whats not worth it? You? Your happiness? Your home? Your friend? Your pet? That always helps me get some clariity. Hey, only you can know the value of the result for you and your life, but make sure you have explored that before throwing in the towel.